Emotional Maturity

Many survivors suffer through many aspects of their adult life, stuck in the thinking and behavior patterns of the time they were being abused.  It’s all so very complicated and difficult to get your adult mind to wrap itself around and grasp the many ways we need to “grow up” our thinking so that we might pull ourselves out of the the suffering we produce from within.

The following article, found at NetworkTherapy, lays out the many areas we need to be working on to pull ourselves out of our suffering.  It struck me as exactly what I need to be doing to make my life all the better.  I hope you all find it helpful.

7 Steps to Emotional Maturity

1. Eliminate Magical Thinking

Magical thinking is believing that something will happen without any real effort on your part.

This is normal thinking in children, but self defeating in adults.

People often can get stuck in magical thinking if a significant event happened to reinforce it in childhood.

For a dramatic but not uncommon example, consider the child whose parent has a heart attack. If that child had been angry with the parent that day and thought angry thoughts about them, they would probably magically think that they themselves had caused the heart attack.

That child as an adult may find it extremely difficult to confront others, especially others who are perceived as frail.

2. Learn to Tolerate Your Anxiety

Suppressing your anxiety causes it to continue – “what you resist, persists”.

Then you start fearing the anxiety, a state referred to as anticipatory anxiety.

It’s sort of like working out with weights – when it is heavy and your arm gets tired, your natural impulse is to put down the weight, but you know to strengthen your muscles, you continue.

It is the same with anxiety. Your tendency is to avoid it and seek immediate relief.

But to become stronger emotionally, take the time to look at your anxiety, learn about it, and work with it.

3. Learn to Recognize and Appropriately Express Your Anger

People who do not express their anger are usually afraid of what will happen if they do. They have distorted fantasies – fearing the floodgates opening and then being out of control.

They may have lacked family role models of appropriate anger expression.

Discharging of anger by screaming or hitting pillows used to be recommended, even by therapists.

But now most professionals believe this just keeps the nervous system on alert and does nothing to address a constructive plan of action.

Instead, learn to put your anger into words.

If you’re unsure how to do this, consider an assertiveness training course.

It will teach you the difference between passive, assertive, and aggressive expression of anger.

4. Learn to Cope With Pain and Hurt

Pain and hurt are natural consequences of life because of the simple fact that life involves change and loss.

To never feel hurt is to be deadened.

Our emotions are vulnerable but they are not fine china – overprotecting yourself leaves you vulnerable because you fail to develop strength and resiliency.

Moderate exposure to pain and loss is often what creates opportunities for developing coping skills.

Are you someone who thinks of themselves as a victim whenever you experience pain or loss?

If so, what are you getting from this stance?

5. Facing Your Guilty Feelings

We all make mistakes and we all behave selfishly and meanly at times.

Some guilt is based on reality and facing it helps us become better people.

Rationalizing away this guilt is harmful, and leads you to make the same mistakes again.

Take responsibility for mistakes, verbally express your regrets and take action to make amends.

6. Learn to Live With Your Failures

You cant avoid doing wrong, because perfection does not exist in humans!

But forgiving yourself does not have to be limited to mental attitude.

Action is what helps us live with our failures.

Be of service to others, and have a positive attitude.

Being useful to others and being part of the solution to problems around us is extremely therapeutic.

7. Put Your Feelings in Perspective

Strive to see that life is gray, not black and white.

Tolerate ambiguity.

Avoid words like never and always.

Realize that the world is a vast place that we cannot completely understand and certainly cannot “master”, whatever that means.

Feelings are messy, mistakes are made, relationships are complex, and life is ever-changing.

Any one feeling or event is but a piece of the big picture.

And there’s surely nothing you will ever experience and no pain you will ever feel, that has not been felt and survived by others.

If you doubt this, take a look around you and reach out.

Survivor Self Care

I hope everyone has been well and taking care of themselves.  I am now back after having taken a long self-care break.  As is the case for most survivors, I still need to take time out to re-group myself(s) and rejuvenate.  It’s all part of self-care.

As I move back into maintaining this site, I hope to post 2 – 4 times per month.

I recently found a post on self care worth reading and thought it might be helpful to many others as well (hence, I’m back!)   You can find it at The Survivor Manual.

Hiatus

There will be no postings here for a while.  Personal circumstances prevent me from putting forth the time and effort necessary.

Wishing all survivors safety, healing, and peace.

How Difficult Is The Recovery From Childhood Sexual Abuse?

Any fool can run towards the light.
It takes a master with courage
to turn and face the darkness
and shine his own light there.

– Leslie Fieger

ECT (ElectroConvulsive Therapy) and the FDA

ECT Devices Not Approved by the FDA

Don’t most people who undergo medical treatments trust that the drugs and equipment being used are safe?  We have the FDA to ensure this, right?  Not necessarily.  Read on …

The FDA is finally closing a loophole that has allowed high-risk medical devices to remain on the market in the absence of clinical test data.

The agency decreed Wednesday that it would require safety and efficacy data from manufacturers of certain medical devices who, thanks to a quirk in previous regulations, never had to prove their safety or efficacy.

The devices fall into 25 categories and include automated external defibrillators, female condoms, and electroconvulsive therapy machines. Their manufacturers have until this August to submit data on these devices.

They may be required to go through the agency’s full premarket approval process as if they were entirely new products.

In 1976, the agency began requiring that new medical devices undergo a rigorous premarket approval process in which manufacturers either had to prove they were safe and effective, or show that they weren’t high-risk and therefore didn’t need such stringent review.

In this context, high-risk means that the device’s failure to function properly could lead to serious or life-threatening complications.

But companies with high-risk products already on the market were allowed to keep selling them, with the understanding that eventually the agency would require them to submit the same type of data needed for newer products.

It took nearly 20 years for the agency to begin following through. In 1994, there were 149 categories of high-risk (known as Class III in FDA parlance) devices remaining on the market from the pre-1976 era without any data submission or approval.

By 2000, the FDA had cut the number down to 82.

It currently stands at 27, and the agency has now set August 7 as the final deadline for all but the last two.

The FDA will review the submitted data and determine whether the devices will need a full premarket review, requiring the company to submit detailed clinical safety or efficacy data.

Alternatively, the FDA can reclassify the devices into lower-risk Class I or II, for which such data are not required.

In the case of electroconvulsive therapy machines, for example, there are eight companies that market the devices, none of which were ever required to undergo premarket approval.

Rather, they all were cleared under the so-called 510(k) process, which automatically okays the devices if it is “substantially equivalent” to an already approved product, called a predicate device.

Since no ECT machine went through the premarket approval process, there is no predicate device. Hence, manufacturers of ECT machines must seek approval for them as if they were new to the market.

Two device types will remain outstanding, including a “topical oxygen chamber for extremities,” said an FDA spokeswoman, Peper Long.

According to Long, since the FDA began its backward look at already-marketed devices, it has required makers of silicone gel breast implants, replacement valves, and IUDs to go through the premarket approval process.

She said one type of device had been pulled from the market as a result of the FDA review, but could not immediately identify it.

Source:  By Emily P. Walker, Washington Correspondent, MedPage Today
Published: April 09, 2009

Queen Latifah: Sexually Abused

Queen Latifah Reveals She Was Sexually Abused

The often-private Queen Latifah gets candid about a slew of serious subjects in Essence Magazine’s July issue, including alleged sexual abuse she suffered as a child, rumors that she’s gay and her desire to become a mother.

“My personal life is personal and it’s really not for everyone else,” Latifah told the mag. “With what I do for a living, I have to share a lot of myself with a lot of people, but I’m not going to share everything.”

Latifah, born Dana Elaine Owens, addressed the persistent speculation about her sexual orientation.

“They want to make up stories and make me gay all the time and it’s like, ‘Keep running with it,’” she said. “I’ve definitely been annoyed by it, but I learned a long time ago that it was pointless to say anything. Everybody else can do the reading; I’ll do the living.”

One area of her life that she’s willing to open about is her history with sexual abuse.

“He violated me,” she said of her alleged abuser. “I never told anybody; I just buried it as deeply as I could and kept people at an arm’s distance. I never really let a person get too close to me. I could have been married years ago, but I had a commitment issue.”

She says the passing of her brother gave her the courage to come forward.

“When I was 22, my brother died, and I knew that I couldn’t carry his death and that secret. I had to get it off my chest. My mother felt terrible. She was kind of a country girl, so she wasn’t up on how slick people could be. When I told my dad, he said nothing,” she continued.

With the help of a therapist, Latifah says she has come to terms with her traumatic past.

“I was a kid, and I had no power or control over the situation. I really wish I’d had the strength and the knowledge to say something sooner,” she told the mag. “Because I always wondered. Did he do that to someone else? But I accept that the time for action has come and gone.”

As for the future, the rapper/singer/actress said motherhood is a possibility, regardless of the timetable she’s operating on.

“I’m not even going to touch that subject,” Latifah said. “I know I’m running late, but I’m trying. I’m trying.”

Source:  MSNBC Access Holiwood

Considering ElectroConvulsive Therapy

The Hanging Man
by Sylvia Plath

By the roots of my hair some god got hold of me.
I sizzled in his blue volts like a desert prophet.
The nights snapped out of sight like a lizard’s eyelid:
A world of bald white days in a shadeless socket.
A vulturous boredom pinned me in this tree.
If he were I, he would do what I did.

The Decision For or Against ECT

Finding unbiased information on Electro-Convulsive Therapy is proving to be a formidable task, though I had hoped to post other resources of information on the subject.   Some people are strictly against it for religious reasons, others out of fear.   Others promote it even though they are unsure of just how it works.

Unfortunately, the patients whose psychiatrist recommends ECT may not be in the best “mental space” to make the decision for or against the treatment. It might be best if they had a trusted family member or friend to sit in on the ECT consultation, review literature, and research the treatment as best they are able on behalf of the patient.  For those patients who have experienced severe depression but are, for the time being, free of symptoms, it might be wise to learn all they can about ECT  and let their family, psychiatrist, therapist, etc.  know their wishes concerning this treatment.

If the patient is concerned that the treament might be used against their will, he/she should prepare a legal document called an Advance Directive to express his/her choice about treatment.  Your state Protection and Advocacy System (P&A) may be able to tell you about your state’s requirements or refer you to a lawyer who can.   For the name and number of the system in your state, visit the website of the National Disability Rights Network or call NDRN at 202-408-9514.

Do You Know The #1 Reason For Developing Eating Disorders?

Number One Reason For Eating Disorders

In a recent article presented by psychotherapist Joanna Poppink,  she discusses how eating disorders develop out of sustained boundary violations incurred from abuse.

Hundreds of people have asked me why someone develops an eating disorder. Of course many issues are involved, but from my exploration of this field over the years, I have concluded that there is one outstanding theme that runs through every person with an eating disorder whom I have encountered.

Early in their lives, people with eating disorders have experienced, on a sustained basis, relentless boundary invasion on every level.

When their physical, emotional, psychological, intellectual, sexual, and creative boundaries are consistently ignored and penetrated, people experience total boundary invasion. With no control and no way to end, protest, or, often, even acknowledge such invasions, these persons feel helplessness, despair, and a certainty that they are worthless to themselves or anyone else.

Read the rest of her article at Number One Reason for Developing Eating Disorders.

Can We Find Humor In Psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy

-  Psychotherapy  -

for the DID Patient

Of course, there is nothing funny about any kind of abuse we may discuss in therapy, but we may find a humorous moment now and then in the course of treatment.  And when they occur, ahhhh, how good that little chuckle or full belly laugh can feel — a reminder that we are much more than what we experienced in our abusive past.

Internet-Initiated Victimization of Adolescent Girls: Risk Factors

Internet-Initiated Victimization of Adolescent Girls

Risk Factors

ABSTRACT

OBJECTIVE. The objective of the study was to determine the risk factors for Internet-initiated victimization of female adolescents. In particular, it was expected that girls who experienced childhood abuse would show higher vulnerability than their nonabused peers. In addition, the study examined how provocative self-presentations might be related to online sexual advances and offline encounters.

PATIENTS AND METHODS. Adolescent girls aged 14 to 17 years who had experienced substantiated childhood abuse (N = 104) were demographically matched with nonabused girls (N = 69) and surveyed regarding Internet usage, maternal and paternal caregiver presence, substance use, high-risk sexual attitudes, and involvement with high-risk peers. To measure online self-presentation, participants each created avatars, which were quantified according to the degree of provocative physical features.

RESULTS. Forty percent of the sample reported experiencing online sexual advances, and 26% reported meeting someone offline who they first met online. Abused girls were significantly more likely to have experienced online sexual advances and to have met someone offline. Having been abused and choosing a provocative avatar were significantly and independently associated with online sexual advances, which were, in turn, associated with offline encounters.

CONCLUSIONS.A history of childhood abuse may increase Internet-initiated victimization vulnerability. Parents should be aware of the ways in which their adolescents are presenting themselves online. Making adolescent girls and their parents aware that provocative online self-presentations may have implications for sexual solicitation might help to ward off sexual advances and might help prevent Internet-initiated victimizations. Practitioners should consider standard inquiry into Internet and media usage an aspect of comprehensive care.

Read the full article at Pediatrics:

Childhood Abuse, Avatar Choices, and Other Risk Factors Associated With Internet-Initiated Victimization of Adolescent Girls